Thor’s red-gold eyebrows furrowed in concentration as he lowered the final piece onto his masterpiece. The bread settled into place with barely a sound, and the god stepped back with a grin to admire his work.
Now THAT, he thought, is a SANDWICH.
The smile became a scowl. “Your timing is atrocious, Freyr,” he growled.
The other god rolled his eyes. “Forget your stomach, Thor. Loki’s chasing your goats again.”
Thor sighed. Damned menace. Loki seemed to find particular delight in tormenting his goats. It was really rather absurd. He shot a longing look at the beautiful stack of edible art that was his dinner, and his stomach rumbled. “Freyr…”
“I’ll make sure no one touches it.”
“Thank you,” he said, hefting his hammer. Loki wouldn’t be at all pleased when he finished with him.
Thor waved to Freyr and let his hammer drop beside him. Loki always seemed to take such joy in messing with him at the absolute worst times. He shrugged it off and heaved a satisfied smile as he settled into the seat, staring lovingly at his sandwich. Even in his hands, it was still huge. The lettuce crunched as he raised it to his mouth.
He squeezed his eyes shut and resisted the urge to reach for Mjolnir. “What?” he snarled.
Thrud glanced from her father to the sandwich he was trying very hard not to crush. “Um. I’m sorry, but Odin wanted you…”
He growled to himself, and set the sandwich down gently. He shot a glance at his daughter, and she flinched at the lightning in his eyes.
“I’ll make sure no one touches it,” she swallowed.
Thor took a deep breath. “Thank you.”
“Damn it, Baldur!”
“I am sorry, Thor, but they prayed to you! You need to answer!”
“But I just…” Thor’s countenance fell as he shot a longing glance at his sandwich.
“It will hardly take you more than a moment. Your supper will still be here when you return.”
Thor grumbled, but Baldur at least had the good grace to look sorry.
“Sif…” He was beginning to despair of ever seeing his sandwich again.
“Please, husband? It will only take a moment…”
“Heimdall…!” he groaned. “Why me?”
“You control the lightning, Thor. What would take me hours will take you seconds.”
“Does it have to be now?”
Heimdall’s golden eyes stared back, and Thor sighed again.
Thor’s head fell to his hand.
“FOR THE LAST TIME, NO!!!”
Thor’s shout rocked Asgard, sending lightning shattering through the aether. His eyes glowed blinding white, and electricity flickered across his skin. The gods all stood, staring.
“Now,” he said, steadying his breathing. “I am going to go eat my sandwich. And the next person who interrupts me will find Mjolnir in their face. Are we clear?”
His eyes flashed back to blue as he turned, sweeping his gaze across the assembled company. No one moved. Thor gave a small smile, and stalked back to his seat. Hammer still in one hand, he picked up his sandwich, settled back, kicked his feet up, and took a bite.
Now THAT, he thought again, is a damn fine sandwich.
Originally written for a friend.
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